Taking the high road when others can’t be bothered with your disability
Today was a test of patience. I was at my daughter’s soccer game and knew there was a girl on the team that had been bullying others. It started last weekend at the first game when this girl used both her hands to forcibly shove down another child…this was not part of rough play either, it was a deliberate action that she was proud of. I could barely believe it because we are talking about eight year olds. Next, at practice the following week she pulled my daughters hair while in line to do drills. I coached my daughter about taking the higher road, etc. The next practice this same girl pinched my daughter because I had put her hair in a bun to avoid this bully. By this time I had enough and sent a note to the club director. I wasn’t mad, just wanted it reported and dealt with of course. I was proud of myself and my daughter for giving this bully grace….then came today!
Here comes Momma Bear!
I was careful to watch this girl in the pre-game warm ups because this is where she sneaks in her bullying the most. The coaches are never paying attention and they are spread too thin. After about ten seconds of observing I saw her forcibly yank a girls pony tail. I’m talking neck whipped back forcible. That was it, momma bear was out. I called her out and said, ”I saw you pull her hair”. She shrugged and laughed. I said ”Keep your hands to yourself” and she laughed again. Clearly this bully wasn’t used to being held accountable and I’m not sitting idle while a child deals with this even if it’s not my child. So, I found her mom and asked to speak. She was a cold and stern type and could tell she was used to calling the shots at these events but I was on a mission. I explained that I had a speech impairment but wanted to share with her my observation. She never looked me in the eye or even tried to empathize with or understand me. It was like she automatically considered me as ’less than’ because of my speech. I told her in my clearest voice what I observed and what I said to her child. She shrugged her shoulder and said ”No big deal”. Never once looking me in the eye and this is her response about her child putting hands on another child! This is quite upsetting to me personally but also as a mom and I’m sure to the mother of this poor child that got her hair pulled. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Reflection
I went to my seat and just thought about this interaction. I thought about how differently it may have went if I didn’t have a speech impairment. I thought of some small talk I could have made to set a foundation of respect. I thought about how I wouldn’t have been viewed as ’less than’ from the start. I thought about how differently my words may have landed on this woman if she viewed me as an equal. After pondering this for a few minutes I decided, no probably not….sometimes people are just super entitled and elitist and treat people as less than because they view themselves as so much better than everyone else. This again made me proud of my daughter and the lessons I’m teaching her and what behavior is acceptable in this world. How much nicer of a world would this be if we sought to understand the challenges of others? How much are we missing by not even investing in a single second to ask someone a follow up question when they share their challenges? Maybe I spend too much time reflecting on these interactions and what could have gone differently but maybe most people miss the entire point by not reflecting at all?
